Brainlessworld (brainlessworld.net)

25 Reasons You Owe Your Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
‘You better pray that will come out of the carpet.’

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’
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A stranger was seated next to a little girl on an airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,” Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger, “How about nuclear power?” and he smiles.

“Oh” she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question… A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit.”

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English                                                                            Chinese

That’s not right                                                               Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?                                      Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP                                                                 Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man                                                                    Dum Fuk

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George Carlin’s grand solution to save gasoline:

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use…

The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down…

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Only in America … do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America … do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America …. do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

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TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, ‘GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I’M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
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